I'll Hold My Breath
by Panda Gravy
Summary: A series of drabbles/one shots ranging from fluff to angst to humor to smut and anything else that strikes a fancy. No single pairing or theme. Rating subject to change. - Ch. 17: Logan just wants to have alone time with James. Jagan PG.
1. And You Are Soft and Fuzzy

**I'll Hold My Breath**

_a/n: Since I'm contributing to some drabble and fic fest stuff, I thought I'd start putting together here all my drabbles, which all happen to be a good deal longer than I guess a drabble should be? Anyway, no theme between them, pairings or otherwise. I don't own BTR. _

_First drabble is for a prompt from liliako on LJ that said "__OT4 fluff where the boys find/have to take care of a basket of kittens." _

…

**And You Are Soft and Fuzzy**

Logan heard them before he saw them. Little mewls and scritches on cardboard as James walked into the apartment with a box in his arms, already looking guilty. Logan's eyes widened as he tossed aside this month's issue of Future Doctor, panicked, and sprung to his feet, running to stop James from coming too far in.

"No... no, no, no, no, no! James! You know better!" He scolded, pushing the purring box against James' chest.

"But Logan!"

"No!" he insisted, despite the way James' bottom lip jutted out and his eyes sparkled with the beginnings of carefully-trained fake tears. "Take that back where you got it _quick_ before Carlos—"

Too late. In a short thunder of footsteps, Carlos rounded into the living room from the hallway, chin raised and eyes sharp like he could smell the intruding force. It was like he had a sixth sense. Logan tried to step in front of James and cover the box, but Carlos' head snapped toward them like a prowling animal. Logan took a wide stance, arms spread before James, trying to keep himself as a wall between the box and Carlos. If Carlos actually got to the box's contents, there was no going back. "Carlos, no, you stay right there, you know we can't—"

"Kittens!" Carlos exploded, his face bursting into a grin as he leapt in the air a moment before lurching forward, ducking under Logan's arm and gazing excitedly into the box. Logan sighed, dropping his arms and turning to look in the box with Carlos, but not before giving James a very stern look. "Aww! They're so cute! Where'd they come from?" Carlos already had one of the kittens out of the box, a tiny calico which was now tucked under his chin, mewling and whining and getting its baby claws stuck in Carlos' shirt.

James shouldered past Logan, satisfied now that the kittens could stay since the worst was over. Logan, however, groaned, setting his jaw as he glanced down the hallway, wondering where Kendall was to come fix this. "Someone just left them outside the Palmwoods. How sick is that?" James was saying, taking two more kittens out of the box and cradling one next to his chest with a huge smile on his face as the second climbed up his sleeve. Logan should have fought more, but the way James didn't even flinch when the tiny white kitten rubbed against his hair made his shoulders slump.

He caved. Logan always caved. He joined Carlos and James at the coffee table and picked up a kitten of his own, the orange tabby crying loud as he scratched under its chin. Okay, fine, so it was kind of adorable. And it's not like Logan was capable of making James take them back outside.

Carlos dropped down on the couch, setting his kitten on the cushion next to him and began rubbing its belly, little legs wrapping around his finger and tiny teeth gnawing mercilessly at him. "Guys, have you ever seen anything so cute? I love kittens…"

"We know," James and Logan said in unison, and although Logan tried to sound exasperated with this, he couldn't help smiling as he leaned down to nuzzle his nose against the kitten's little one. Who doesn't smile when they're playing with kittens?

"Woah, what is going on?" Logan looked up from the tabby in his hand to Kendall, standing near the dining table with a worried frown. When no one answered, he tilted his head suspiciously and pointed at the creature Logan was holding. "Are those kittens?"

As Logan gave Kendall a _look_—because, seriously, what did they look like? Bears?—James just nodded enthusiastically and reached into the box to hand Kendall the fifth and final kitten. "I found them. And now _we_—" he gestured to the four of them with the kitten in his hands, "—are going to be their new mommies!" James seemed entirely too excited about being a mommy.

Kendall's eyes blew wide and he tried handing his kitten back to James, but James offered no assistance, forcing Kendall to hold onto it. "Oh, no. No, we are not being _anyone's _mommies! Logan! Help me out here!"

Logan looked up from the kitten cradled against his chest in surprise at being called out. He should have expected it. He was supposed to be the reasonable one, after all. But… the things were just so darn cute… He gave Kendall a sheepish, apologetic smile as he held the kitten up next to his face, directing it's little, helpless mews at him.

"Oh, no! Baby Logan!" Carlos exclaimed, falling to his knees and scrambling to catch the kitten that had apparently toppled off the couch and tried to make an escape across the floor.

Logan spun around, making a face at Carlos. "What did you just call that?"

Carlos, having caught the animal, held it under his chin, scratching it behind the ears with a wide grin. "Baby Logan!" he repeated proudly. Then nodded at the kitten Logan had. "And that's Baby James." Then towards the two on James, "And Baby Carlos and Baby Kendall." His proud smile held true while Kendall, James, and Logan just sort of stared with their heads tilted confusedly. It was nice of Carlos to name the kittens after them, but… well, it was also sort of weird. Not to mention…

"Carlos, there are five kittens," Kendall finally explained, holding up the kitten in his hand unenthusiastically. He was definitely not pleased with this whole situation.

"Oh," Carlos said, his grin falling. It returned quickly, though, and he perked up. "That one's Spider-Man!"

Logan frowned. Because _that_ made sense. Of course, how could they forget the fifth member of BTR, Spider-Man?

"Guys," James said, apparently unfazed by the addition of a fictional superhero to their group. "I think Baby Carlos is hungry." He was holding both kittens in his arms now and making little kisses at them both. Even Kendall seemed to be warming up to Spider-Man now, holding him a little closer and running his thumb across its back to ease out little purrs that sounded like marbles on a hardwood floor.

A low gurgle from the floor caused Logan to look back at Carlos, who in turn looked at his stomach. "I think Big Carlos is hungry, too," he said, laughing, and offered a hand to help Carlos up.

Fifteen minutes later, Carlos had a plate of corndogs and Babies Carlos, Kendall, Logan, James, and Spider-Man had a bowl of warm milk and a couple slices of turkey lunch meat. The boys sat together on the couch watching their newest sources of responsibility carefully to make sure none got away or got stuck under the couch or crawled into the dishwasher… or worse. They didn't need a repeat of Sparky.

Kendall took a deep breath before leaning forward to look past Logan to Carlos on his other side. "You know what I'm going to say, Carlos." Carlos dipped his head a little, and then pulled his knees up to his chin, refusing to look at Kendall. Logan sighed a little as he put his arm around Carlos' shoulders, turning to raise his eyebrows at Kendall. Of course he knew they couldn't keep the kittens, but they didn't need to get rid of them so soon, did they? He tried to ask that of Kendall with just a look, really unprepared to have Carlos burst into tears today. Kendall, however, purposefully ignored Logan's stare and continued. "We'll find them homes that aren't _ours_."

"Home!" Carlos practically interrupted, head snapping to look determinedly at Kendall. "_One _home. You can't split them up! They belong together. They're brothers."

Logan wanted to tell Carlos that he was pretty sure at least Baby James was a girl, but he got Carlos' point. They would never split up, so why would they force that on their kitten counterparts? And Spider-Man? He smiled at Kendall, knowing there was no way the fierce leader would try and fight that argument. Even if he wanted to, he'd certainly lose. As it was, Kendall just shook his head and smiled, leaning back against the couch to watch the kittens again.

On Kendall's other side, James was sort of glaring at him. "They're my kittens," he muttered, crossing his arms. "I'm the one who found them." He slumped a little, pouting like a grounded child with his arms crossed across his chest like that. Logan raised his eyebrows, a little surprised. He hadn't thought anyone would throw more of a fit than Carlos, but James was always ultra-dramatic.

"_James_," Kendall sighed, throwing his head back and sounding entirely like he did not want to do this right now. "You know my mom would end up being the one to take care of them. And besides!" he continued quickly when James sat up and opened his mouth to protest. "What time do you actually have for kittens? When you're not at the studio or at school, you're flirting or getting engaged or whatever you do with girls anymore. Do you really think you'd have time to play with them?" James struggled with himself a few moments and finally threw himself back against the couch with his arms crossed again. Still, Kendall added, "And you know kittens turn into cats, right?"

"I _know_," James snapped. Even though Logan was pretty sure there was a flash over James' face that said he hadn't thought about that.

Even Kendall wasn't heartless, though, and he put his hand on James' shoulder, squeezing it gently. "We'll find them somewhere nice, promise. A good _home_. Singular." He added the last word with a smile at Carlos, who reached across Logan and Kendall, practically laying across Logan's lap, to pat James' knee understandingly.

"Who would take five kittens, though?" Logan asked Kendall quietly, giving him a worried look.

Kendall was quiet for a few moments, thinking as he watched the little animals tear the lunchmeat apart between them. "I think I have an idea…"

…

Buddha Bob was more than willing to take Baby BTR plus Spider-Man, and, upon Carlos' serious request, agreed to leave their names the same. James nearly wouldn't let go of the box, and Logan was pretty sure that this time the glossiness in his eyes was actual tears, but he couldn't be sure. Carlos surprisingly seemed to take the separation better than James, who had to be practically dragged back upstairs.

Once back in the apartment, Kendall collapsed on the couch, exhausted, and Carlos skipped after Logan into the kitchen as he went to clean the dishes the kittens had eaten off of. James just sulked on the other side of the counter.

"Aww, it's okay, James," Carlos offered, touching the other boy's hand. "Buddha Bob said we could visit them whenever we want, right?"

James muttered an acknowledgement, but his pout didn't disappear. James didn't like having his things taken away, and Logan figured it would be awhile before he got over this particular loss. Still, he rolled his eyes, loading the plate and bowl into the dishwasher and started back into the living room.

Kendall was staring at the spot on the other side of the coffee table with a weird look on his face. Logan followed his line of sight to find… well, floor, then looked back at Kendall before sitting next to him on the couch. "What's up?" he asked, touching his friend's knee briefly.

Kendall was hesitant to reply, as though he didn't really want to, but he finally sighed. "I… think I sort of miss Baby Kendall. And Baby Logan and Baby Carlos and Baby James. And Spider-Man."

Out of nowhere, Carlos launched over the back of the couch to Kendall's other side, wrapping around his arm tight. "You loved them! You big softie!" he teased, poking Kendall in the cheek.

James was suddenly on Logan's other side with his arm over the back of the couch behind him, and Logan grinned at him, then back at Kendall and Carlos, feeling more warmth off them than had come from snuggling close to the kittens.

"Well, hey," Logan offered. "You've got the real Logan, James, and Carlos right here. And we have the real Kendall."

"But not the real Spider-Man," Kendall cut in with a cockily raised eyebrow.

Logan chuckled and shook his head, leaning back against James' arm. Carlos laid his head against Kendall's arm, keeping a hold on him as he did so. "I'd take the real Kendall and Logan and James over kittens any day, though," he said, a smile practically showing through his tone alone. Logan silently agreed, directing a smile at James, who seemed to be brightening up a little with the closeness of his friends. Kittens were great, but nothing would ever beat this sort of love.


	2. Would You Ever Dance With Me Like That?

**Would You Ever Dance With Me Like That?**

_a/n: From rensahannou's prompt on LJ: "__James dressing as a spy for Halloween? Whether he does it intentionally to make Logan crazy or not (maybe it's Camille's idea? maybe Logan himself suggested it?)...but it definitely makes Logan crazy." It didn't turn out as what I'd initially had in mind, and I'm probably going to rewrite something similar to this for another fic, but here! Have another drabble! With BTR, who still don't belong to me!_

…

Logan was becoming increasingly convinced that his best friend was made of pure evil. Way back when, all the evil things in the world came together, Satan, Beelzebub, Communism, clowns, and hairless cats, they all got together and created James Diamond. He was evil, inside and out. It permeated from his pores every second of every day, mixed with overbearing confidence and narcissism.

And now more than ever. Logan was standing with his arms crossed against a wall far away from the dance floor where James and Carlos were grinding with a couple girls in Halloween costumes that were supposed to resemble cute animals but made them look more like strippers. Actresses, dancers, singers, groupies, Logan wasn't sure if they were famous or not. For all he knew, they were girls who were paid to attend Hollywood parties.

And anyway, Logan wasn't focused at all on their long legs and mostly exposed breasts. He was concentrating on the boy positioned behind the cat-bunny-tiger-whatever-girl, swaying his hips with her backside, his eyes trained downwards over her shoulder.

James was evil. From his slicked back hair to the black leather jacket to the tight pants. The sunglasses propped up above his forehead, reflecting flashing party lights from above, kept catching Logan's eye and every time he focused on them he licked his lips, wishing James would just put them on over his eyes, even if they'd blind him here in the party. This stupid spy costume was making Logan nuts.

Logan's own costume was rather blasé. He'd never been really imaginative when it came to Halloween and usually just let Carlos pick out a costume for him. Which was why Logan was a cowboy, minus the hat, which had been left at home for fear of it getting in the way at the party. As it were, Logan appeared rather average, especially when someone caught a glimpse of James, who anyone could see was far above average in his spy getup. Logan was starting to hate him for being so perfectly evil.

His foot tapped impatiently as he sipped from his red plastic cup and then recrossed his arms, trying desperately to look anywhere but at James and his stupid, evil costume that made Logan feel like he was going legitimately insane. However, where his eyes landed wasn't much better. Kendall and Camille were by the punch bowl and Logan couldn't tell if Kendall was flirting or if Camille was helping him meet other girls, but either way, it made his nose scrunch. Kendall did not need another girlfriend, and he definitely did not need to flirt with Logan's ex.

Besides, this was all her fault. She'd suggested the stupid costume to James. Purposefully, Logan was sure.

Stupid Camille. Stupid Kendall. Stupid James. It seemed like the only person in Logan's life who wasn't stupid was Carlos.

"Hey," a familiar voice rasped close to Logan's ear, making him flinch and jump away a little. James was standing right up next to him, grinning like a fool with his hair slicked back evilly, sunglasses propped up. "Carlos said you looked lonely."

Scratch that. Carlos was stupid, too.

"I'm not lonely, I'm bored," Logan responded sharply as he leaned away, having to shout over the music rather than get close like seemed to be James' preferred method. "Go back to dancing with your fanclub."

Before he could turn to abandon the matter, James grabbed Logan's wrist. "Why don't you come dance instead?" he shouted, Logan being able to make out the words only because they were ones he dreaded hearing. The last thing he needed was to be up close to James dressed like that.

He tried to tug his arm away, but that was stupid. Of course James wouldn't let him go, James was stubborn. "James, I'd really rather not, you know I'm not a dancer."

James rolled his eyes as he continued to drag Logan, taking his drink from him and dropping it in a trashcan on the way. "You're a pop star, Logan. Just fake it, like you do on stage." He flashed Logan his grin again, and Logan's lips tightened into a hard line.

He was infinitely less confident dancing at a party with James than he was on stage. On stage, there were choreographed moves that he'd drilled over and over with the other boys until there was practically no way he could screw up. At least not to the point where it was noticeable to the fans. Okay, well, not all the fans. On the dance floor, though, Logan felt awkward and stiff.

James was too close. Even with a girl between them, Logan could still see that stupid costume and the light reflecting on his stupid sunglasses and the stupid way he smiled encouragingly at Logan as another girl moved in front of him to dance. He thought she was maybe supposed to be a slutty shark (at least she seemed to think outside of the box), but he cared so much less about her costume than he did about James'.

This was not okay. The way Logan felt seeing James dressed like that wasn't normal and he could only imagine it was similar to how the onsets of insanity felt.

"I'm sorry, I've got to…" Logan tried to apologize to Shark Girl, but she was already moving on to Carlos, who was clearly having a grand time being surrounded by scantily clad girls. Logan ducked away, trying to get back to his wall, but as it was, he couldn't get far before a hand closed around his arm. He didn't even have to look, but he did. "James, let go of me. _Please_."

James didn't let go, but rolled his eyes dramatically, an action that required motion of his whole head. "Lo_gan_, come on! Stop being a spoil-sport!" He was still smiling, though, and that gave Logan an uneasy feeling.

"I'm not! I just—" _can't be that close to you right now._ He swallowed his words, trying to think of new ones. "I just don't feel like dancing." He pulled his arm again, and this time James let him, but he just followed Logan when he walked away, stepping in front of him.

He crossed his arms and Logan had to step back. James looked too commanding like that. That insane feeling was prickling in Logan's head again and he very nearly reached up and put James' sunglasses down on his face to make the effect even better-_no_, worse. He froze, trying to look away while James spoke, but his eyes only kept landing on Kendall and Camille or Carlos with every single girl at the party on him. "Then let me hang out with you! We're at a party, you should be having fun!" James insisted, then grabbed Logan again and dragged him forcibly back to the dance floor, closer to the edge this time, away from much of the excitement.

This time, though, there were no girls to dance on James. Which meant he was dancing closer to Logan. And Logan was being driven slowly further to insanity. He squeezed his eyes shut, putting his hands stubbornly over his ears. He probably looked like a child, but he hardly cared; any way he could block out James was good.

Except James wouldn't allow himself to be ignored. Of course not. There were suddenly warm hands on Logan's wrists, gently forcing his hands away from his ears, and James didn't let go after, holding on to Logan's hands as he danced, trying to ease Logan into it more. Logan reluctantly opened his eyes.

That stupid jacket absorbed each light as they flashed, the leather turning blue and green and red and blue again. Logan, being forced into swaying some with the music by James' physical urges, felt himself giving in slowly as his eyes stuttered upwards, back to those sunglasses.

This wasn't fair.

James was evil.

Logan wiggled his hands from James' grasp, at first causing James to open his mouth and begin his tired protest, but he stopped when Logan reached up and lowered James' sunglasses onto his nose. James started to reach up to take them off again, speaking loud over the music, "Logan, I can't see any—"

"Keep them on!" Logan interrupted, his voice tight with an edge to it. There wasn't any going back now. This was no man's land. "Or else I'm not dancing at all." James paused. Then seemed to accept this with a shrug, but he still grabbed onto Logan's hands again. This time Logan didn't fight him, he just smirked at his hardly-there reflection in James' glasses.

No, not James anymore. At least, not _just_ James. This was dangerous spy James, with a handgun concealed somewhere under his jacket and his hair slicked back so it wouldn't get in his face when he dove out of a plane later. This James wasn't evil. He was… well, he was hot.

Logan subconsciously moved closer to James, shifting his hands a little so that he was more holding James' than James was holding his.

So this was what insanity felt like. Logan had suspected for a long time that, stuck between Carlos, Kendall, and James, he would become crazy by proxy. But insanity felt a lot different than Logan had ever imagined it would. It felt… well, it felt a lot like being turned on.

When Logan's breathing increased with his heart rate, becoming a little erratic, he was especially grateful that they were dancing and that was a good excuse. He wondered if there was any safer place to be turned on than at a party, in the safety of darkness save for flashing lights, and plenty possible reasons to be red in the face and excited.

At first, Logan was glad James couldn't tell what was happening in Logan's head. He just kept on dancing, holding fast to Logan's hands, tugging him and urging him to move. Except then, Logan began to notice that James' attention was drifting off of him and over to the hardly-clothed girls and… was he feeling jealousy?

No, he was just crazy. And he could blame it on James. And his costume. Stupid, evil spy James… whose attention Logan was dying to have back on him.

In one swift motion, Logan yanked his hand out of James' and redirected James' gaze to him, leaning up fast and pressing their lips together.

Insanity felt… well, pretty good.


	3. Breathe

**Breathe**

_Life was too short and unpredictable to hold things back and to wonder if James would be safe when Logan came to check on him. And there was no telling if a nightmare could become reality. Jagan._

**a/n: Just a simple idea I had this morning and decided to hash it out while I'm sitting around at my school's dance recital every night doing NOTHING. So this is what I did today at rehearsal! Again, just something small, simple, and hopefully sweet. BTR isn't mine. Enjoy, and please review!**

…

A flash, a loud noise, red.

Logan woke up in a heavy sweat, breathing hard. Everything was dark for a long few moments before his eyes adjusted and the familiarity of his bedroom became clearer. Faint streaks of moonlight ran from the window across Kendall's sleeping form across from Logan's bed. He felt his heartbeat begin to slow at the calmness in the room.

There was nothing here to hurt anyone, just safety, but Logan was still shaking violently.

He eyed Kendall for a few seconds, considering waking him. But Kendall wasn't who he needed right now.

Logan moved quick, but almost silently out of the room and across the hallway to the other bedroom, letting himself in without a knock. Even if those sorts of casualties were necessary between them, especially at this time of night when everyone was asleep, he didn't think he would use them. He was in far too much of a panic.

All he needed was to see James. Safe and unharmed.

It didn't matter how much Logan told himself it was just a dream, he couldn't get the image out of his head until he saw that James was well.

James was a different person when he slept than when he traveled through life. His hair wasn't neat, his lips parted slightly with a spot of saliva at the corner of them, and he sprawled across his bed, blankets and sheets wrapped around his legs messily. Logan loved this James. Honest James.

And what he loved more was to see James' face unbruised and without any broken bones, no tears mixed with blood, no burns and rips in his skin. He looked perfect, flawless, and safe.

Logan knew when he came into the room that he would be fine. He hadn't expected James to be hurt at all, but he just needed to image of James' face unhurt and healthy and beautiful to replace the glass-cut and broken one from his dream. Few nightmares shook Logan to his core, but imagining James broken and hurt to where Logan couldn't even help him made him swallow down something in his throat that felt sharp like glass and threatened to cut tears from his eyes.

Before he could even think about what he was doing, Logan was hurriedly wiggling under the covers on James' bed, pushing him gently to make room in the small twin. He pulled his legs up and wrapped an arm around his friend, tucking in close to James' chest.

James stirred with some muttered unintelligible words, remnants of a more peaceful dream than Logan's. When he was finally awake enough to notice Logan, he put a concerned arm around him, and his voice was confused, but still quiet enough as to not alert Carlos. Not that it mattered; Carlos would sleep through the eruption of Vesuvius over Pompeii. "Logan…? What are you doing? God, you're shaking… Is everything okay?"

Logan shook his head, but then nodded, because he couldn't decide whether he was okay or not, but he finally just shifted to lay his head on James' chest, tightening his hold around him. "I just… needed to see you, so… I dunno, just hold me, please…?"

It was a weird request and Logan was aware of that, and James apparently was, too, in the tentative way his arms went around Logan's body. But some unspoken message apparently got across about how much Logan needed this, so James held him firmly and moved his nose into Logan's hair. The way he breathed Logan in, deep and long, had a calming effect on Logan. His shaking subsided, he was able to even his breaths out to match James', and knowing James was okay and safe, he could finally feel himself relaxing.

Logan wasn't sure what it was. He never freaked out like this. But it was James… and James was beautiful, and honest, and caring, and he was holding onto Logan and running his hand down his back and taking care of him when really Logan had come here to make sure James didn't need taken care of.

Life was too short and unpredictable to hold things back and to wonder if James would be safe when Logan came to check on him. And there was no telling if a nightmare could become reality.

James turned his cheek against Logan's hair, pulling him in even closer, whispering, "Shh, it's okay. Just breathe. Everything's okay…" He didn't even have to know what was upsetting Logan to know that he just needed to be there.

Life was too short for Logan to wonder if something would happen to James before he could say the things he needed to. James pulled the blankets up and wrapped them around Logan's shoulders, and Logan could tell James was beginning to ease back into his earlier sleep. He grasped onto the blankets as he turned his face against James' chest.

He had to, he had to say it before James fell back asleep, he had to say it in case car crashes or horrible people or terrifying monsters crawled out of his dreams and took James away before he ever got the chance.

Logan took a breath. "James… I love you…"


	4. Deeply

**Deeply**

_But James had no idea what that meant. He didn't know if it meant love or care or concern or protectiveness or worry or nothing at all. James didn't concern himself about these things. But then Logan went telling him he loved him and James was forced to think about it. Jagan._

**a/n: Breathe had such a nice response and a couple requests for a sequel that I thought, hey, what the heck, I could definitely do a short follow-up to that. It's much longer than Breathe and I wrote it a little differently, but I hope it's still a good read. Just know that Breathe wasn't really supposed to have a sequel, but I still tried to make the theme and tone carry over as best as I could. Not sure if it's at all what anyone wanted, but it's what I had in mind and I hope not to disappoint. Thanks for sticking with me, friends! Enjoy and please remember to review!**

…

"James… I love you…"

James did all he could not to react. He didn't know how to, and here, in the dark, in the middle of the night, he felt even further confused. What was that supposed to mean? That Logan loved him… How? Why?

He did his best to keep his breathing steady, refused to open his eyes, held as still as possible. When he felt Logan shift against his chest to seemingly look up at his face, James prayed that he looked relaxed enough to pass for asleep. Logan didn't move for a few moments and James very nearly opened his eyes to see if Logan was in fact looking at him or had just shifted positions, but he felt Logan lay his head back down on James' chest and decided it was a very good thing he didn't open his eyes.

Logan couldn't be allowed to know that James had heard him. Although James was certain that had been the intention, he was just at such a loss for how to react that he decided he would rather put it off as long as he could.

No matter how well James faked sleep, however, he was terrible at actually getting into it. Now his brain wouldn't shut off. He had his arms wrapped comfortingly around his best friend who had just whispered a confession of love to him. James didn't know anyone who could sleep after something like that.

Maybe Carlos. _Probably_ Carlos…

But not James. James felt everything, but didn't know what he felt. Things hit James hard and he was always confused by them. All James knew he liked was Cuda, short skirts, and himself.

…but Logan? He didn't know if he liked Logan…

No, that wasn't true. James loved Logan. But he also loved Carlos and Kendall. He would do anything for any of them. He would get into fights for them (or with them), give up everything for them, move halfway across the country for them; the same things they would do and had done for him. But did anything make Logan more special?

Logan was the one who James didn't question crawling into his bed in the middle of the night, making vague requests to hold him, falling asleep comfortably in his arms. Logan was who James wanted to do those things for, who he wanted to hold and comfort and whisper _shush_'s to and rub his back, no matter whether he knew the reasons. He wanted Logan to feel safe. With him.

But James had no idea what that meant. He didn't know if it meant love or care or concern or protectiveness or worry or nothing at all. James didn't concern himself about these things. But then Logan went telling him he loved him and James was forced to think about it.

What did he want for Logan?

The last thing James remembered was Logan's breath being steady, calm, and sweet on his chest, Logan's body curled in close to his under the covers on the small twin mattress. Two people didn't really fit comfortably in the bed, but whenever the boys tucked in together, or Katie managed to find her way under one of their blankets, they always made it work. James, for one, liked the closeness of another human body, and he vaguely considered how nicely Logan's fit next to his.

When James woke up, he didn't really remember falling asleep. What's more, he didn't remember coming to any sort of conclusion. And even more than that, he didn't remember Logan getting up and leaving his bed. But it was empty now. Or emptier. James still took up a great deal of space, but he couldn't help but thinking now that the rumpled space next to him where the blankets had been cleared to leave a curve of exposed sheets looked particularly empty.

James sighed and swung his legs out of bed, the first movement in what was sure to be a strangely internalized day. He still had a lot to think about.

Well… Logan.

And James would be damned if there wasn't a lot to Logan.

Because for one, what on earth did Logan love James for? James knew he wanted everyone to love him, sure, but he never expected Logan to. Not any more than he loved his other friends, at least. James never expected Logan to love him in that whispered tone of voice in the dark at an unmentionable hour. He didn't expect Logan to love him like "_James… I love you…_"

James managed to clear his mind with some deep breaths before school and studio, the kind he wished he could have taken when he'd heard Logan's quiet confession the previous night. He tried not to think about it. One thing James could claim was professionalism. He was serious about music and work, and if anything could clear his mind, it was the studio. Even standing in a closed space with Logan but a few feet away, the weight of the confession on James in the tight quarters couldn't throw James' focus when he sang.

But if anything could remind him of his troubles, it was coming back to the apartment and sitting down at dinner. It was when Logan muttered quietly to Kendall to pass the potatoes at the table that James' head snapped up. It was that short, low tone that James remembered from the dark and it struck something in him, making him swallow and duck his head back to his food. James was silent through most of dinner, for almost ten minutes straight until Carlos nudged him, asking if he felt okay. James, turning on those acting chops for the second time in under twenty-four hours, grinned and said "Of course!" and started up a bouncy conversation, trying to ignore the way Logan watched the exchange.

After dinner, Logan was washing dishes, a chore he frequently covered for the other guys. Although James would have liked to avoid getting too close to Logan while he was still trying to figure out "_James… I love you…_" kicking Carlos' ass (and getting his own ass handed to him by Kendall in return) at NHL 12 made him thirsty. He tried to act natural as he moved behind Logan to the rack of drying dishes to grab a newly-cleaned glass.

Logan sighed watching James take the cup, momentarily distracted from the dishes in his hands. "Hey, I just washed—_ah_!" Logan hissed sharply and James snapped to attention. Logan had been washing a knife and James looked at his hands just in time to see him drop it back into the sink and cover one of his hands with the other, recoiling slightly from the sink.

James' reaction was immediate and he grabbed Logan's wrist, dragging him back into the bathroom. He grabbed a hand towel from the towel loop next to the sink and pried Logan's hands apart to see a short line across his index finger beginning to leak a faint red. Ignoring Logan's polite protests, James grasped the little wound with the towel and opened the medicine cabinet, searching for the overused box of band-aids with one hand.

Logan seemed to fall silent when he realized James wasn't listening to him at all, and within a few seconds, James had found a dinosaur bandage and took the towel from Logan's hand to find it turned red in a spot. The cut was small, but in just the right spot that it bled pretty heavily, but being in hockey meant James had seen plenty worse. He was about to open the band-aid and wrap it around Logan's finger when Logan stopped him with a gentle, "Wait," and gestured to the sink. "You have to wash cuts before you bandage them…" He offered his hand with a little smile, allowing James to play Logan's usual role as doctor.

James blinked at Logan, and then couldn't help smiling back. It occurred to him as he took Logan's hand and ran it under the faucet in lukewarm water and his stomach did a little loop-de-loop and he remembered as he held Logan's fingers under his how Logan had shook so badly the night before and he ran his thumb barely touching over the little red cut in his skin and he gently toweled off Logan's hand and wrapped the dino-bespeckled band-aid around his finger—it occurred to James that what he wanted for Logan was to be the one to make sure everything was all right all of the time.

"Uhm… James?" James blinked and looked up at Logan, because he didn't realize that while he was having his little epiphany, he was still holding on to Logan's hand with both of his. He immediately dropped them to his sides and put on a bright signature Diamond smile, fakeness complete with shiny eyes and stiff grin. Logan's expression remained unreadable, eyebrows raised, and he clearly didn't buy the smile, but he sighed after a few seconds anyway and smiled himself. "Thanks," he said quietly, raising his dino-bandaged index finger and bending it a little.

James' smile softened a little then and he lowered his eyes with a shrug. "You're welcome…" He couldn't really express how Logan's hiss of pain and the sight of blood on his hand had set off a series of little alarm bells in James.

There were a few more seconds before James said, "Well…" and shifted his feet slightly as he tossed the blood-spotted towel in the bathroom laundry basket and slipped around Logan and back into the kitchen to get his water.

All the while, the only things he could hear in his head were Logan's thanks, the alarm bells, and "_James… I love you…_" It was still a problem.

It wasn't until a couple hours later as everyone was heading to bed that James said anything more. He'd watched Logan go the whole day quietly, almost regretfully, and he felt a little bad knowing that Logan thought he'd wasted his "I love you" on sleeping ears. He felt worse that he spent the whole day not knowing how to respond.

But now, following Logan from the living room to their respective bedrooms that their roommates had already retreated to, James knew what to say. He knew what he wanted to tell Logan. He knew, for once, how he felt.

"Hey, Logan," he said softly, jogging a step or two to grab Logan's elbow before he opened his bedroom door. Logan turned with raised, questioning eyebrows and an expectant smile. James got stuck and filled a few seconds by licking his lips, trying to seem thoughtful. It didn't really work and only resulted in Logan's smile faltering slightly in confusion.

Finally, James continued in a quiet voice, "I hope you sleep better tonight."

James couldn't decide if Logan's expression was loving gratefulness or polite disappointment. He nodded and replied, "Thanks… I'll try." before James dropped his hold on Logan's arm and watched him disappear into his room.

James slumped back against the wall next to his door, allowing his head to fall back. He'd _thought _that he knew, for once, how he felt. Surely he did know, somewhere deep, but something like fear kept it just that. Deep. And whether that was fear that he loved Logan back or that he didn't, James didn't know.


	5. Boys Like Me

**Boys Like Me**

_Logan never meant to see James' first kiss. It just happened. Kid-fic. Jagan. PG._

**a/n: This was supposed to be a drabble and then it wasn't. I know this collection is supposed to be just for drabbles, but this still feels like a drabble to me, so I'm putting it here. I spent all of yesterday evening reading Extremely Close and Incredibly Loud by Jonathan Safran Foer and it's **_**amazing**_**, and it would be lying to say this wasn't entirely spurred on by that. For one, the little boy in it makes me think of a more shameless child Logan, and for two, this idea came straight out of a part of the book. Also, my style may be a little inspired by Foer at this point. So go read the book! Also, enjoy and review.**

…

Logan never meant to see James' first kiss. It just happened.

They were twelve. James was always a little ahead of the rest of them, usually with Kendall just behind him, even though they were both younger than Logan. By a couple months, but still. Logan thought he should have been ahead of them because of that. Ahead of them by what measure, he wasn't sure, but he should have been ahead. He chalked it up to the fact that he'd moved to Minnesota and met them all later, after they'd all known each other for awhile. So they'd had more time to get ahead. That made sense.

So, because he was ahead, James got to kiss a girl before anyone else, when he was twelve. Logan didn't kiss a girl until he was fourteen. Freshman year of high school. Her name was Emily and it was incredibly awkward and it never went any further and they never even spoke again throughout the next two years Logan was in Minnesota because it was too embarrassing. That was the same year James got to touch a girls' breasts. He was always ahead of everyone else.

They'd all been at Kendall's twelfth birthday party, which the whole sixth grade class had been invited to, because Mrs. Knight was one of those moms who thought it was incredibly unfair to invite just the people you liked. Not that it mattered, because Kendall liked everyone. Logan was glad his mom was one of those moms who told him he could have his three closest friends over for a sleepover to celebrate his birthday. That was how he preferred it.

Kendall seemed to like having the whole sixth grade over, though, and it made sense, because Kendall was friends with the whole sixth grade anyway. Kendall was just one of those kids that was and would always be popular and likeable. And it wasn't just because he was good at hockey and had a cute little sister and his dad had died, which made him a fascinating specimen to so many kids, because "How do you not have a dad?" Logan thought it was rude to say stuff like that, and he was pretty sure he would get angry in Kendall's position, but Kendall always just smiled sadly and said "He passed away," which Logan figured was one of the reasons everyone liked him so much.

The whole time during the party, Kendall was flanked by someone or another. Carlos was right at his shoulder the entire time. Logan tried to stick to him, too, but he couldn't stand being around so many people and he eventually retreated to the swing set far away from the picnic tables where the cake and food was set up.

It was while swinging low and thinking about centrifugal force (which he knew was actually an incorrect term for inertial force, which in turn he knew was a fictitious force) that Logan noticed James wasn't anywhere near Kendall and their entire class at the tables. In fact, James wasn't anywhere.

James' mother wasn't at the party—she had some sort of big corporate meeting to attend, just like every day—so James had come with Logan in his mother's car and he was to return home with Logan that night and stay the night, so Logan felt it was his personal responsibility to know James' location. Otherwise, he was sure he'd have to explain to Mrs. Diamond why her son was missing, and he didn't want to have to talk to her more than was necessary. She had cat eyes.

So Logan hopped off the swing, imagining as he always did that he was a superhero as he fell through the air to land on his feet, and started wandering around the park a little, but never too far from the party.

It didn't take long. He found James sitting under the jungle gym, but he wasn't alone. A little girl in their class with long, curly red hair who Logan didn't really like because she was sort of mean was sitting with James. She had her hair in braids and Logan secretly hoped James would yank on one of them and make her mad, because she really wasn't a very nice girl and probably deserved it. Then it occurred to Logan that James and the red-haired girl were sitting very close in the shaded woodchips underneath the jungle gym away from everyone else and out of sight. They hadn't even noticed Logan standing here, because he was a little behind them.

That was when Logan witnessed James' first kiss. He made the first move, leaning smoothly towards the red-haired girl and pecking her on the lips. It wasn't awkward at all. It was cute and innocent and so subtly warm. It made Logan blush.

He stumbled back and away from the jungle gym and ran back to the swing set. Luckily, Mrs. Knight chose then to start shouting for him and James to come back to the picnic tables so they could do cake. He was eternally grateful for the few seconds he'd had to get away from the jungle gym so James didn't see him standing there.

His heart was still beating really strangely when he got back to the picnic tables. Logan had read that that was called a heart palpitation. The weirdness of his heartbeat must have shown on his face, because Carlos looked suddenly worried and touched Logan's shoulder. "You feeling okay?" he asked. Carlos was always very perceptive and so concerned about his friends that Logan was glad Carlos had his parents to be concerned about him, because he was far too distracted to do it for himself.

Logan smiled. "Yeah, dude, I'm fine. Thanks, though."

Carlos grinned back, all worry melted away with the response. "No problem! Ready for cake?" He rubbed his hands together excitedly as he watched Mrs. Knight light the candles and Kendall turned around to laugh at them both.

"You have to wait for me to blow out the candles first, Carlos!" he chuckled, pulling Carlos up to stand next to him and throwing his arm around his shoulders. Logan smiled. He liked watching Kendall and Carlos. Especially when Kendall was such a good friend and said things like, "If you help me blow them out, though, to make sure my wish comes true, then you can have the first piece." Even when he added, "After me, of course," Logan still liked how good of a friend Kendall was.

Carlos hopped on his feet in something Logan thought looked like a potty dance, but was apparently excitement.

"Well, geez, are you going to blow them out or let them melt all over the cake?" Logan jumped and turned to see James standing _right there_. Logan fidgeted a little and wondered if it would be suspicious for him to put a little distance between him and James. But now he glanced over the small crowd of classmates and saw the red-haired girl standing far away. He wondered if they'd kissed more after he ran away.

Kendall rolled his eyes and raised an eyebrow at James, though he was still smiling. "You have to sing to me, first, _Ja-ames_," he said, saying James' name all sing-song.

James just laughed, but then he started singing, loud, like always, and soon everyone followed him in song.

Logan should have been watching Kendall while they sang to him, but he realized he was staring at James sing instead. He was starting to notice he liked watching James do a lot of things.

…

Late that night, Logan and James were tucked in Logan's bed together, and it was sort of close, and had been getting closer and closer the older they got, because, of course, they never stopped growing. Logan figured by the time they were in high school, there would be no way they could both fit in a twin-sized bed together. He wondered briefly if they'd still try, though.

No pair of twelve-year-olds goes to bed as soon as their parents turn off the lights and tell them good night, and Logan and James were no exception. James' eyes were shut, but Logan knew he was still awake from the way his face looked, because Logan was watching him breathe, and he'd watched him breathe at night before, and he knew the difference between James' sleeping face and his not-sleeping face.

"I saw you kiss that girl," he blurted out suddenly in a whisper that sounded louder and harsher than he'd meant at all, but maybe that was just how he'd heard it.

James' eyes fluttered open, but other than that, he didn't really react. "What?" he asked, as if he hadn't heard Logan correctly.

"That mean red-haired girl that always forgets my name. You kissed her under the jungle gym," Logan said, trying not to sound accusatory, because he had no reason to be.

This time, James smirked a little, clearly proud of himself. "Oh, yeah. Cool, huh?"

Logan rolled his eyes. He didn't want to tell James he thought it was cool. "Whatever…" he said and closed his eyes, trying to settle back into the bed. He heard James chuckle a little but otherwise stay quiet as he also shifted a little. Logan slowly opened his eyes back up. James had closed his again and was smiling, apparently trying to fall asleep in Logan's bed to the thoughts of kissing a girl.

Logan didn't like that much, and he couldn't say why.

Maybe it was because this was _his_ bed and James had no right to be thinking about some girl in it. That was rude.

"What was it like?" he asked suddenly, and he sort of winced at himself, because making James give him a recap wasn't going to prevent him from falling asleep to the thoughts.

James raised his eyebrows without opening his eyes. "Well… it was cool," he said and Logan immediately pressed, "Okay, what _else_?"

Logan had never kissed a girl. It seemed difficult and he was pretty sure he'd screw it up. He'd always told himself he was too young anyway, but James was younger than he was…

James breathed a laugh, smiling as he went on, all the while keeping his eyes shut. Logan wondered if he was replaying the moment on the backs of his eyelids. "Girls have soft lips. Like mine." Logan swallowed. He didn't know James' lips were soft.

"And it's weird, because you close your eyes when you kiss, but I don't know why. You just do. Don't you think you'd want to see the person's eyes?" That was when he opened his eyes and stared straight into Logan's across the pillows. He blinked a couple times, his eyebrows shifting questioningly, and Logan realized it wasn't a rhetorical question.

He shrugged in response. "I wouldn't know…"

James just smirked smugly again, and for a second, Logan wanted to sock him. "It's basically just really cool and fun," he said, closing his eyes again with that smirk stuck on his lips.

Logan frowned. He couldn't handle kissing, he knew he couldn't. It would be too much. He was already a nervous wreck as it was. But he couldn't believe how James had just gone ahead and _done_ it. And soon Kendall would be doing it, too, because if Kendall didn't do something before James, he was bound to do it very soon after. Logan was slightly reassured by the fact that Carlos would always hang back with him, but he didn't like being so unknowledgeable about something.

He didn't think much about it before he asked, "Can I watch you kiss?"

James' eyes opened again, only now he was frowning confusedly, and Logan thought maybe he liked that expression better than the smug one. "What? What do you mean?" he asked.

Logan pulled the blankets tight over his shoulders because he felt strange all of a sudden, definitely weird, and James probably thought he was weird, too. But he just wanted to study the behavior patterns, that was all. He said as much, probably blushing, and James stared at him. Then he laughed.

"You want me to be a science project?" he asked between chuckles, clearly amused.

Logan glared, defenses immediately going up. "So what! It's only because I'm smart. Don't laugh at me just because you aren't as smart as I am."

He wanted James to be offended, but he just sort of chuckled lighter. "Sure, fine, whatever," he said, grinning as he turned to lay on his back, and that took up more room in the bed and put his shoulder practically in Logan's chest. Logan very nearly moved his head to pillow on James' shoulder. Why shouldn't he if he got in Logan's space like that?

Oh, right. Because he wasn't supposed to. James kissed _girls_ now.

Logan wasn't sure James had understood and asked, "You mean I can?"

"Uh-huh, sure, I don't care," James said, and he sounded completely honest, like he actually didn't care, and Logan wouldn't have been surprised that he didn't, because James was proud and shameless. Of course he'd be okay with letting his best friend watch him kiss girls.

"Okay…" Logan said, and continued watching James' face, waiting for it to turn from not-sleeping to sleeping. It had a lot to do with the way his lips looked and how his eyelashes laid on his cheeks. He couldn't explain how he knew the change in James' sleeping and not-sleeping faces, but he figured it came from a lot of watching.

…

James started kissing girls a lot after that first time. Every time, as promised, he told Logan when it might happen and where. Logan witnessed most of them from behind trees and cars and from across the street. A few years later, Logan learned the word "voyeurism" and cringed, wondering if that applied to him. He felt lucky that he and James never told anyone about their little arrangement.

Logan watched as James' technique improved. How kisses started lasting longer, how James learned how to angle his head, how he touched a girl's cheek before kissing her. Logan gasped the first time he saw James try and slip his tongue in a girl's mouth. He laughed when she slapped him. James didn't try that again for awhile.

Logan sometimes kissed his inner arm and wondered if he would be good at kissing, but he felt like a weirdo practicing like that, so he didn't do it much. He thought once about how it would be a lot easier to practice kissing and to find out if he was any good at it if he had an actual person to practice with. But he shot those thoughts down as soon as they bubbled up, before he could consider who would be an obvious person to practice with.

By the time they finished the sixth grade, James had kissed every girl in their class and he'd enjoyed every one of them, including the one he got slapped for. He'd told Logan as much.

After sixth grade commencement, Logan and James sat together in James' living room changing channels endlessly on a huge television with no goal in mind of where to stop. "What are you going to do now you've kissed all the girls in our grade?" Logan asked, feet drawn up under him in a big recliner.

James was lying across the couch, his height nearly taking up the length of the cushions, but not quite. He shrugged. "Maybe I'll start kissing boys," he said, and Logan's head snapped at him. He looked serious enough… but then he grinned and lifted his head to look at Logan and he could tell he hadn't been serious. "Nah, I'll probably just kiss girls in the grade above us! I mean… I look old for my age. The eighth grade girls are going to love me," he said, overconfidently, Logan knew, because eighth grade girls were almost ninth grade girls and ninth grade girls were high school girls and almost-high school girls would never kiss a seventh grader.

Logan thought James would have better luck trying to kiss boys.

In fact… he very almost _knew_ James would have better luck.

…

James kissed the red-haired girl again that summer. She'd gotten her hair cut after they graduated the sixth grade. She'd also gotten a little nicer and stopped pretending to forget Logan's name. Logan figured it was because she liked James now. Logan still didn't like her. Actually, he was pretty sure he liked her even less now that she liked James.

They were at the ice rink just doing laps during a Sunday open skate when James skidded up next to Logan and nudged him, nodding. "Look." Logan looked where he was directed and saw the red-haired girl standing at the edge of the rink and looking all flirty and expectant at James. "Under the stands in, like, two minutes, dude," James whispered by Logan's ear, and then he was off. James was fast at everything, even skating.

Logan didn't want to go watch this time, but he did anyway. He had a really sinking feeling about James kissing the red-haired girl a second time.

He watched from a safe place a ways down the stands. James kept his skates on, which made him an extra few inches taller than the red-haired girl, and had to bend down to kiss her. It would have been cute if it didn't make Logan's stomach turn oddly. And it gave him more heart palpitations, too.

In the middle of feeling like his heart was turning inside out, Logan realized something. The red-haired girl was about the same height he was. If he'd been standing where she was, James would have to bend down to kiss him, too. Without thinking about it, Logan brought one of his own hands up to gently touch his cheek, much in the way James was gently touching the girl. He lifted his other arm to his mouth, pressing his lips to the soft skin near his wrist. He tried watching how James moved his lips and moved his accordingly, as if responding to James.

"Hey, Logan, what're you—_woah_," Logan jumped and spun around, nearly falling off his blades and twisting his ankle as he heard Carlos' voice behind him. He felt himself go immediately hot all over as he worried he'd been caught making out with his arm, but soon realized Carlos was looking past him at James and the girl, not at Logan. Carlos grinned, laughing, "Oh-ho-ho! James and Sarah! Oh, man!" He did a giddy little dance, clearly more excited about the situation than Logan was.

Sarah. Logan had never cared to learn her name, even after she decided to bother with his.

"Oh, man… oh, dude… oh, man…." Carlos said, apparently too excited to decide on a form of address. "Oh, dude… this is so juicy! We have to tell Kendall. Come on!" Carlos grabbed Logan's arm and pulled on him, dragging him back to the rink. Logan spared a last glance at James, who hadn't noticed the interruption at all, and would hardly notice Logan's absence, he figured. He was busy.

…

Logan didn't watch James kiss girls anymore. "Is your science project over?" James asked cheekily.

Logan huffed, trying to be annoyed. It wasn't hard. "I just think I've seen all I need to see."

"Great!" James said, but Logan didn't think it was great. He thought it had been a horrible idea from the beginning. He didn't like having heart palpitations. "Then this means you can start kissing girls yourself!" James added, clapping Logan on the back excitedly.

Logan tried to laugh a little, but he just kept his head ducked. He didn't tell James that he didn't really have an interest in kissing girls right now.

Truth was, Logan could have stood to see James do more kissing. He just didn't think he could handle watching James kiss more girls, especially if it was going to be the red-haired girl again, because three times was the start of a pattern, and Logan didn't want to see her turn into a pattern.

Not with James.

"Yeah, sure," he conceded, though he knew he wouldn't be kissing anyone, especially not any girls, soon. He just didn't have an interest.

James suddenly looked Logan dead in the eyes, his pupils wide and serious. "Sure you don't want some actual practice first, though?" he asked, and Logan swallowed, leaning back a little.

"Wh—what?" he asked, voice much quieter than he'd planned.

James just held eyelock for a few seconds, then laughed, leaning back out of Logan's personal space. "I'm just kidding," he said. Logan wanted to smack him like that one girl had done, and tell him "You're a jerk," or "I hate you," or "Well, stop kidding and _do it_."

James slung an arm around Logan, though, and Logan let him. "You've learned by watching a master," James said, smug and overconfident. "I know you'll do fine."

Logan raised his eyebrows, looking up at James with his mouth open a little disbelievingly. But he just ended up shaking his head, smiling a little, and touching his forehead.

What was funny was that even with that attitude, Logan believed James. He probably was a master kisser. Probably a zillion times better than Logan's arm. And Logan didn't say it, not even in his head, but he wouldn't have minded learning more from "master" kisser.


	6. Do You Hear That, Love?

**Do You Hear That, Love? They're Playing Our Song**

"_You can step on my feet…" he said, low and sweet, and it may have been a little teasing, but James' eyes were sincere. Established Jagan. PG._

**a/n: I just keep writing drabbles when I should be working on other things. I suck. This is heavily inspired (down to lines in the fic) by All About Us by He Is We because He Is We sings all the Jagan songs, apparently. And I love them a lot. I don't usually put in song lyrics before a fic, but I think this is so short that it's necessary this time. The song doesn't belong to me, the boys don't belong to me, but still please enjoy and review.**

…

_The room's hush-hush and now's our moment,_

_Take it in, feel it all, and hold it,_

_Eyes on you, eyes on me,_

_We're doing this right._

_-"All About Us," He is We_

"No one writes music like Smokey Robinson anymore," James sighed from where he laid on his back on his bed, eyes closed with a wistful smile as his hands traced music in the air. "_Being with you, ooh… I don't care about anything else but being with you…_"

Logan smiled to himself, eyes still in the pages of his book. He loved anything James sang, but it was best to hear James croon those old R&B songs Logan had been hearing since childhood. And he never got sick of them, no matter how many times he heard James sing them.

"I mean, our music is good, but there's a reason he's a legend." Logan looked up then to watch James' hands trace through the air. The stereo was playing in James' room and Logan was sitting at the head of James' bed, on his pillows, while James lay in the middle with his legs hanging off the side. Logan had always loved the way James loved music. People wouldn't guess it to look at him, even in his career, but James actually knew a great deal about music. He wasn't just a "block of wood" like Gustavo liked to call them, James was _true_ talent, inside and out. He was the pretty voice and the knowledge and passion that went with it. It was because Logan appreciated James' heart so much that he loved to listen to James talk about music and watch him conduct the notes and hum along.

Suddenly, James shot up off the bed, making Logan jump a little. "Dance with me," he commanded, holding a hand out to Logan.

Logan huffed an incredulous laugh. "What? Dance with you? What are you talking—ah!" James gave up on offering his hand to Logan and settled on just grabbing him by the wrist and pulling on him. The book fell out of Logan's hands and he stumble-fell off the bed. It took a second for him to get his feet, and by the time he did, James had him by both his hands. Logan laughed again, more amused this time, but still just as unwilling. "James, I'm not dancing here."

James groaned dramatically, his head falling back, and he gave Logan's hands a sudden yank, causing him to stumble forward against James' body and James put his arms tight around the other boy. "You don't get what I mean. Not dance with me, _dance_ with me."

He said it as though his emphasis made a difference in the words. What was weird was it sort of did, because Logan got what James meant.

James settled his arms low around Logan's waist, holding them flush body-to-body, and Logan felt himself get a little warm. He swallowed as he stared up at James and let his hands crawl up to rest on James' chest in front of him. Logan tried to move side-to-side a little, but James held tight to him and swayed them himself, slowly. He smiled softly at Logan, whispered, "Will you let me lead?" Logan breathed a laugh, going a little cross-eyed with how close James' face was to his, but nodded slightly anyway, forcing himself to cede control to James. His hands inched their way up onto James' shoulders and he curled his fingers into the fabric of his shirt. It was kind of hard to be led, and Logan stumbled a little, trying to find where to place his feet even though they were barely moving, turning at an extremely slow pace. James chuckled. "You can step on my feet…" he said, low and sweet, and it may have been a little teasing, but James' eyes were sincere.

There wasn't a lot of room between James' and Carlos' beds, but they rotated ever-so-slowly in the space, swaying lightly to a Smokey Robinson song Logan only knew because he'd heard James sing it so many times. He stared up into the hazel of James' eyes a couple moments longer before laughing quietly to himself and letting his forehead fall against James' shoulder.

"The song's over…"James said softly into Logan's ear after a minute.

Logan sighed a little, but didn't let go or move away from James, not that he'd probably be able to, with James' arms around him like that. "Good… I'm getting dizzy."

James laughed. "We're not moving anymore."

Logan grinned against James' shoulder and lifted his head to look up at him again. "Oh," he chuckled, leaning up closer to James' face. "Must be something else doing it, then." He pressed his lips very gently against James', smiling all the while as James kissed him back, never once loosening his hold on Logan.


	7. Sweet Talking

**Sweet Talking**

_James, it says right there on the package: 'Do not eat raw cookie dough.' Give it here! Jagan. PG._

**a/n: Please, please, **_**please **_**review! Above anything else, I hope you enjoy my fics, but it means so much to get a review—on anything, drabble, one-shot, long-form fic, and at any time. Even if you read this months after I post it, it still means everything to receive a review on it! So please keep that in mind. Thank you! Enjoy!**

…

"James, it says _right there_ on the package: 'Do not eat raw cookie dough.' Give it here!"

Logan held out his hand expectantly for the roll of cookie dough from which James was scooping a spoonful. He snorted a laugh in response. "No way, dude. Get your own." And began nibbling on the spoonful of sticky dough spotted with chocolate chunks.

"I don't want—James! Stop eating it!" Logan made a play for the roll, but James turned away with his full body, causing Logan to just topple onto the couch on his stomach. He pushed up and tried snatching at James' hand but got a fistful of nothing. With a huff, Logan sat up on his knees and crawled closer to James, but James wiggled his way down the couch to get away. "James…" Logan warned, reaching slowly towards him.

James frowned and held the roll of dough close to his chest, spoon hanging out of his mouth as he sucked on the end. He mumbled a hardly-coherent, "No," around the utensil, shaking his head.

"James… give it!" Logan commanded through gritted teeth, pointing a finger downward forcibly.

"No!" James shot off the couch suddenly, darting around the coffee table to stand in front of the TV. Logan was quick, though, and leapt off the couch to block James' exit.

"Other people are going to eat that!" he said, throwing his hands out. "In cookie form, like it's supposed to be! You can't just stick a spoon in it that's been in your mouth!" He cringed as James looked him dead in the eyes and took the spoon slowly from his mouth and jabbed it into the cookie dough, shoveling out another bite.

Before he put it in his mouth, though, James dashed back at the couch, stepping onto it and launching himself over the back without any effort. Caught off guard, Logan growled in frustration and followed him, though choosing instead to run around the couch rather than over it and block James' path to the bedrooms. "Not to mention," he continued. "You're consuming raw eggs. You could contract salmonella!"

James shrugged. "Don't know what that is. Don't care." Clearly trying to piss Logan off more—and succeeding, by the way—James stuck the spoonful of cookie dough in his mouth, giving a long, drawn out, and satisfied moan. It was a wholly inappropriate sound, and one that under different circumstances, would be doing funny things to Logan, but now Logan pursed his lips, eyes wide in fury, and he stomped. "James Diamond! Stop that right now!"

James shook his head stubbornly and made to run around the dining table to get to the hallway. Logan, however, dashed to the other side, blocking the entrance to the hall and ending up in a stand-off on either side of the table.

"Plus," Logan added, pointing with conviction at James. "If you eat too much, it's going to give you a massive tummy ache and probably make you throw up and, believe me, I am not going to be the one to take care of you."

At that, James sort of hesitated in getting another spoonful, clearly considering that warning as he blinked. It was an empty threat, Logan knew, but he immediately took the opening, deciding to risk the possibility of James getting to the hallway. He quickly clambered onto the table—which he knew Mrs. Knight would kill him for if she saw, but this was important, dammit—and crawled, hands and knees, as fast as he could towards James, reaching out to snatch at him before he could get away.

However, instead of trying to run away again like Logan had expected him to, James actually dropped the roll of dough, stuck the handle of the spoon in his teeth, and grabbed for Logan. Logan gave a surprised yelp as he was pushed onto his back on the tabletop. "What—James!" James kneed up onto the table to straddle Logan's hips, grabbing his wrists and pinning them under his knees uncomfortably, then planted one hand firmly down on Logan's shoulder.

Logan stared up in slight fear as James grinned down at him around the spoon in his teeth. "James, what are you—" Logan cut off with a gasp as James slowly removed the spoon from his mouth and directed it at Logan—the end full of cookie dough. "You wouldn't…" James only responded with a slow nod. Logan realized too late as he hollered back, "No!" that it required opening his mouth wide.

James shoved the spoon in Logan's mouth, about making him gag, and he tried to push it back out with his tongue, but it was no use. Logan chewed and swallowed a whole spoonful of cookie dough with a cough.

…and it was good. Oh, it was sweet and sugary with huge chunks of chocolate and made his mouth water. He almost wanted another bite. It melted in his mouth like ice cream but was sticky and chewy like candy. And maybe part of what made it taste incredible was James perched on top of him, but it was better than any cookie Logan had ever had.

And it must have showed on his face, because James was grinning proudly down at Logan as he let his hands go and crossed his arms. "Goooood, huh?" he crooned, sitting himself pretty on top of Logan.

"No!" Logan shouted, which was a complete lie, and from the way he rolled his eyes, James knew it, but that wasn't the point. Logan sat up, pushing James off of him and sliding off the table. He grabbed the roll of cookie dough from the floor before James could get to it and twisted the top closed again.

"You liked it," James said simply, sucking his spoon clean, and Logan's eyes were stuck on his mouth now, squinting at the way he moved his jaw to tongue at the metal.

He shook his head and took the dough back to the fridge. "Ugh! Whatever. It's still bad for you."


	8. Everything Was Everything

**Everything Was Everything, But Everything Is Over**

_Why couldn't they just confine their happiness to the indoors, to their own little happy room where no one could see them, and let James fill the rest of the world with all his sadness? One-sided/past Jagan. PG._

**a/n: Inspired by Lady Gaga's Brown Eyes. Enjoy and review!**

…

Logan was happy. Logan was happy and James had to sit here and watch him be happy—with Camille, no less—in a public place. Why couldn't they just confine their happiness to the indoors, to their own little happy room where no one could see them, and let James fill the rest of the world with all his sadness? There was plenty of it to fill the world, too, and their happiness was taking up much-needed space.

And James couldn't even bring himself to be mad at Logan. He just looked too happy sitting out on a picnic blanket under a shady tree in Palmwoods Park, fingers interlaced with Camille's, smiling and laughing and getting that nervous little smile where he tilted his head down and looked at his knees, but then lifted his eyes back up to Camille's. And James knew exactly what Camille was seeing just then, how she was feeling, because he'd seen Logan look at him like that countless times before. Watching Logan look at someone else that way made his ribs press in on his lungs painfully. He missed it. He missed Logan's eyes on him, deep and dark and sweet, like James was the only thing in the world that mattered. Now that just wasn't true anymore.

He wanted to hate Logan and Camille both, but it had been James who walked away from Logan, not the other way around. James needed to stop pretending Camille had stolen Logan away from him, because she hadn't, it had had nothing to do with her. It had been completely James' fault and he knew it, even now as he wanted to hate Logan for not looking at him anymore, for not having chased after him when he walked away, for deciding to take his deep brown eyes with their nervously loving glances to Camille. And now James could never get him back, no matter how badly he wanted to.

A hand squeezed James' and he squeezed back without looking at the boy on the other end of the gesture. He would never be Logan, would never reach the standards set by Logan, would never have Logan's eyes, and James felt a little bad for him for that, but not enough to do anything about it. Everyone had to feel heartbreak sooner or later, James knew better than anyone, and it only made sense for him to just continue doling it out.


	9. Again, Again

**Again, Again**

"_She said I would never love her… At least… not the way I loved you." Jagan. PG._

**a/n: Sequel to Everything Was Everything, and also from Lady Gaga's song Again Again. Enjoy and review!**

…

There was a light rap on James' door that caused him to look up from his text. When the door didn't open immediately after, he knew who it was. There was only one person in the whole apartment who wouldn't just let himself into James' room uninvited. Once upon a time, he used to, but not anymore. So James just called, "Come in," before returning to his text.

Logan cracked the door open unnecessarily slow. James didn't look up from his phone, but he could see Logan sort of hover at the door before just shutting it behind him. Maybe James was being rude, but he was in the middle of a conversation. It was rude to end that, wasn't it? He was pretty sure it was… But when he felt the end of his bed sort of sink down, he actually looked up, meeting Logan's gaze. James couldn't read his expression, serious or nervous or what, and that made him swallow and look back down at his phone again, holding it closer to his nose. He wasn't used to not being able to read Logan.

"Camille and I broke up." James' stomach did a sudden leap of hopefulness, but he roped it back in immediately. Of course Logan would be single again when James was still tied to someone. And besides… he couldn't get back together with Logan.

"Oh… I'm sorry," James said, unsure if it was the right thing or not. He even set his phone aside out of politeness. After he sent his text, of course.

Logan shrugged, looking at his hands in his lap. "She said I would never love her…" he said, voice quiet. James' heart rate picked up a little as he strained to hear Logan speak. He wanted to crawl to the end of the bed with Logan and sit close to him and put his arms around him and let him mumble directly into his ear so he could hear him better. But he kept himself planted right up against the headboard with his pillows packed around him and let Logan stay plenty far away as he continued.

"At least… not the way I loved you."

James' stomach did that leap again and this time he got a little head rush with it. There was something about hearing Logan say he loved him that he'd never quite gotten accustomed to, and it had been so long now since he'd heard it that it made the feeling even better.

Or worse?

No, definitely better. James loved the rush, the butterflies, the dizziness. He'd missed it so much, and now that Logan was sitting here saying these things to him again, he just wanted it back in full.

"No…" Logan shook his head, voice still quiet and eyes still down. "The way I _love_ you. Present tense."

That was when he finally looked up at James and his eyes were nothing if not earnest. James could read the truthfulness loud and clear in them and he wanted to throw away everything right then and ask Logan to take him back.

But he couldn't. James had always been so afraid of screwing things up with Logan, of hurting him so bad he could never have him back, that he'd just ended things before he could fuck up any. There was that very clear, defined reason why couldn't have Logan back and that was that he would inevitably hurt him beyond repair and not only would their relationship be ruined, but so would their friendship, and quite possibly the band. People thought James didn't think things through, but this was something too important for him not to think about every possibility. Unfortunately, every path James could predict ended with him breaking Logan's heart and bad.

"Logan…" James started, and he felt himself begin to give in, felt words starting towards his mouth that would say he wanted Logan back, to ask him to come back, to ask him if they could try again. But he fought it and finally picked his phone back up. "I'm… I'm seeing someone right now…" He looked at the screen, where he had a text, and he even pretended to read it, anything to not look at Logan anymore.

Logan was quick to respond, though. "Do you even know his name, James?" And, okay, that was a little harsh, but not totally unwarranted. It was the sort of thing James was notorious for, after all. He tried not to be too hurt by it, because it was pretty much the exact thing he'd been worried he'd hurt Logan with.

"Of course I do," replied immediately, because this time he actually did. "I'm _texting _him, of course I know it. It's—"

"Stop, no, I don't… want to know," Logan cut him off with a wave of his hand, smiling a little bitterly. "I was… I didn't expect you to know. Sorry…"

James chanced a glance up from his phone, but only for a second, long enough to see Logan not looking at him anymore, then he was back on the screen. Not texting at all, though, he was far too distracted for that. He stayed silent, unsure of what to say to that reaction. He didn't like the uncertainty, the feeling it gave him. He really just wanted Logan to say he loved him again so he could get the nice, reeling feeling back.

"I want you back, James," Logan said suddenly, and there it was, that feeling again, the head rush and the lightness in his stomach and he might actually throw up it made him so dizzy, but James just held his phone tighter and stared at the screen, actually frightened of looking up at Logan. He hadn't even read the text yet, he'd just stared at it, unable to focus on the words. "James…" He just tried to breathe, look as though he were remaining calm, just pass it off. But that became more of a challenge when he felt the bed shift and warm hands on his cheeks, tilting his face up. Logan was looking at him with all sincerity and James couldn't stare back with anything but wide, panicked eyes. Because… well, what if?

Logan leaned in to James and kissed him tenderly on the lips. It was so gentle, but possibly the most brash thing Logan had ever done in his whole life. It may have been soft, but James felt more power in it than the roughest kisses he'd ever shared with Logan.

It didn't last long, either, and James felt his heart sink at the feeling of Logan breaking away. He opened his eyes and was relieved that at least Logan was still there, still looking at him like that, loving and hopeful. "You aren't going to screw up, James," Logan assured him. James held his phone tighter, rubbing his thumb over the screen. What he had right now was nothing compared to Logan.

Logan with those deep, dark, loving eyes and looking at James like he was the only important thing in the world. "Please," he said, softly, pleadingly.

James swallowed, his throat dry. And he nodded without even thinking about it. A small nod a first, but as soon as he felt himself doing it, made it bigger, more sure and enthusiastic. Logan wrapped his arms around James' neck, pulling into him and James could feel Logan's face pressed against his neck. His phone fell immediately out of his hand, what's-his-name forgotten as James held tight onto Logan, making the decision right then to never let him go again.


	10. Signed, Sealed, Delivered

**Signed, Sealed, Delivered**

_He wished he could make Carlos—sweet, innocent, preciously blinded Carlos—see what could make a special, exclusive love on his own._

**a/n: This may not make sense to everyone, and I suggest if you want a little filler, you go over to my Tumblr and search under the tag "my fics." There (under some other things) you'll find a series of letters from Logan to James that are basically things to cheer him up when he's bummed out. This fic was a continuation of that thought, but from a different perspective. It's also my first little jab at Kenlos! Hurrah! Enjoy and review!**

…

"Man…" Carlos sighed and pouted as he frowned at the piece of paper held in his hands. He fell back on the couch and held it out in front of him, frowning at it like he was trying to decipher a code. "Why does Logan write James cool, funny letters and not us? That's so not fair…"

Kendall raised his eyebrow and looked over at Carlos from the kitchen where he was pouring a bag of baby carrots into a snack bowl. Did Carlos really not get it? He didn't understand why Logan did those silly little letters only for James? Because it definitely wasn't just James who got upset or pissed every once in awhile. Carlos definitely got down on himself sometimes and every time, Kendall knew he sat in his room watching the bottom of the door to see if a letter would slip under and say hello to him. But Logan never did those funny letters for anyone else. Kendall understood, though; he knew why he never received them from Logan. And he'd thought Carlos understood, too, but apparently not.

"Carlos… Here, have a carrot," Kendall said as he joined Carlos on the couch and held out the bowl. Carlos hesitated a second, but took a carrot nonetheless and crunched into it. Sometimes he couldn't resist the delicious cracking sound, even though he knew how healthy the food was.

"Logan doesn't write those letters for us because…" What was a good way of putting this… "Okay. You know when you—" No, he had no where for that to go. "Have you ever noticed—" That was bad news, too. Well, third try was supposed to be the best, right? Kendall took a breath and looked at Carlos. "Logan loves James, Carlos."

Carlos stared back at Kendall, mouth dropped open and eyes widened a little. He sat like that, expression full of surprise and maybe a little offense, and Kendall wasn't sure why. That is, until Carlos spoke again. "…but Logan doesn't love us?" he asked, his voice sort of tinny and upset.

Kendall was quick to try and amend himself. "No—no, that's not what I mean, Carlos—look, Logan loves us, totally, but it's… different."

Carlos blinked and looked back at the letter in his hands—which was from Nicole Scherzinger asking James to marry her, and that made Kendall's eyebrows come together slightly, because he knew the truth about Logan and these letters and he wondered for a second if that had been some sort of subtle confession…

Carlos' words brought him back to the real world. "Well… I don't get it, I don't see why Logan suddenly doesn't just love us all equally, but okay," he said, standing. "I'm gonna go put this back in James' collection, or else he'll notice it's gone. And then… I dunno, I'm gonna play Castle Smashers or something."

He sounded put-out and Kendall slumped slightly, wishing he knew what to do. The fact Carlos just didn't understand made him a little sad, but… well, it was Carlos. Until he saw Logan actually kiss James, he probably wasn't going to get it. Or until Kendall spelled it out for him, and he didn't want to do that. Or… rather, he did. But not by using his best friends as a vehicle to do so. He wished he could make Carlos—sweet, innocent, preciously blinded Carlos—see what could make a special, exclusive love on his own.

So he watched Carlos trudge, sort of slowly, down the hall and to his room. When he was gone, Kendall slumped against the couch, trying to decide how to make Carlos feel better about the situation, even if he couldn't exactly make him understand. When he got an idea, he nearly smothered it, because it wasn't original, but the thing was it would work. And Kendall was a problem solver, so the point wasn't to be creative, it was to be effective.

He went into the kitchen and found some paper and a pen in the junk drawer. After about ten minutes of writing and chewing on the pen and cringing at the taste of old plastic and writing a little more and scribbling and finally signing at the bottom, Kendall folded the paper, scrawled CARLOS across it, and went to slip it under Carlos' door. He nearly stuck around to see if Carlos would come out and see its deliverer, but he'd never seen Logan do such a thing, so he figured it was unnecessary. Carlos would know immediately it was from him. Or, even if he didn't, that wasn't really the point, was it? So Kendall brushed his hands together in accomplishment and strolled back to the living room to watch TV, satisfied that what he'd written would no doubt make Carlos feel better.

Carlos-

I'm crap at writing letters. Especially to my best friend. Which you think it would be easy, but it's not, because I want to say everything to you and yet nothing, because I feel like I've said it all to you before at some point or another. What am I supposed to say to the guy who's been next to me for as long as I can remember? The boy who I'm pretty sure hasn't left my side for more than ten minutes since preschool? The person who I know will continue making me smile and laugh until the end of time? I don't even know what's left to say to you that I haven't already said before. After over ten years, what is there to say, exactly? I guess all I can think is something I hope you know, but never hurts to say. I love you, man. Who cares if Logan doesn't love us best anymore? If you're not smiling, then I'm not smiling. And, dude, that's a problem. So just remember that I love you and smile? For me?

-Kendall


	11. Runaway Baby

**Runaway Baby**

_a/n: From an anonymous prompt on Tumblr, "Jagan: James and Logan try to have their first kiss."_

…

Not all relationships start with a kiss. Some start with a confession. And a return of affections. And excitement. And one person leans in for a kiss. And the other person panics and runs away.

He actually _ran away_. Logan had never been more embarrassed in his life…

James had gone to kiss him, touched Logan's face and leaned down to kiss him, and Logan had practically tripped over himself backing away, turning and running as fast as he could to the bathroom, where he promptly slammed the door and locked it.

Now, seconds later, he was sitting on the linoleum, hitting himself softly in the forehead with the heel of his hand, muttering, "Stupid, stupid, stupid…" The soft thump that reverberated in his skull from the motion was echoed on the door, followed by James' voice.

"Logan? Dude? You… okay?" Logan swallowed. What was he supposed to say after that? After he'd thoroughly humiliated himself in front of his best friend. His… well, the guy he liked? The guy who liked him? How did he even define them anymore? This situation just kept getting worse…

The doorknob shook and Logan looked up at it again. "H—hold on," he finally said, and got to his feet. He eyed the door warily, and eventually unlocked it. It was another few seconds of hesitation before he actually opened it and was met with a very concerned-looking James standing on the other side. "Hey…" he said, his gaze dropping slowly away and he kicked at the ground a little before turning and going to sit on the edge of the bathtub and fiddle with his thumbs. He was probably red as hell.

James was on his knees in front of Logan in seconds, sitting back on his heels and looking up at him with raised eyebrows and big eyes. "Logan, are you okay? Are you sick?" he asked, one hand setting affectionately around Logan's ankle as he went to touch his hands with the other. Logan watched James' fingers curl in with his own and he tensed a little, unsure.

"No…" he answered, but still didn't quite look at James, although he was clearly trying to get Logan's attention.

"Then what?"

Logan cleared his throat awkwardly. "You, uhm… you tried to… kiss me?" He hadn't meant for it to come out as a question, but he apparently couldn't quite control his tone.

James' hand stilled over Logan's, but finally just slipped in between them to hold one. "…you said you liked me, though…" he said, sounding a little sad.

"I do!" Logan clarified immediately, looking up quickly and finally eye contact with James for the first time since he'd run off. "It's just… I've never kissed a guy before. Or… been kissed by a… guy." And his voice dissolved into timidity again and he slouched a little, wrapping his fingers around James' a little tighter.

James huffed, though, sounding annoyed, and Logan frowned. "I'm not a guy, Logan!" he countered and Logan's eyebrows shot up. James rolled his eyes and added, "Well, I'm a _guy_, duh. But I'm not just _any_ guy." Logan's expression changed again and he lowered his chin only to feel James lift it again gently, reconnecting their eyes. Logan's breath stopped in his mouth and his heartbeat picked up a little. "I'm me. I'm James. Remember?" James said with a small smile.

And then he sat up on his knees quickly, giving Logan no opportunity to get away this time before he kissed him tenderly and sweetly on the lips. Logan didn't breathe, scared that the air might blow the featherlight kiss away, but instead just closed his eyes and leaned into it, allowing his lips to just barely move against James'.

Quicker than it had happened, it was over and James was pulling away, leaving Logan there with closed eyes and still-held breath. When he finally did open his eyes, James was grinning at him. "Now, was that so bad?" he asked, cocksure and smug.

Logan frowned at the condescending tone and took a breath before letting go of James' hand to instead grab him by the back of the head, his fingers tangling in the hair behind James' ears, and yanked him in for another kiss, this one deeper and more passionate than before. And he really had no idea what he'd been afraid of or why he'd waited so long, because kissing James? Was extremely far from _so bad._


	12. May Cause Drowsiness

**May Cause Drowsiness**

_a/n: From an anonymous prompt on Tumblr, "Jagan: James is sick and Logan takes care of him."_

…

"James! Just take the medicine!" Logan finally snapped, nearly throwing the small plastic cup full of purple cough syrup at the floor.

James, seated at the head of his bed, cushioned in blankets and pillows and looking a lot like he'd lost his swag again, crossed his arms and jutted out his bottom lip obstinately. "And what if I don't?" he asked, his voice coming out as more of a rasp than anything.

Logan pursed his lips, eyes wide as he bordered on hysterical anger, and lifted his chin to look threateningly down his nose at the other boy. "Then you're going to be sick forever and I'm _never_ kissing you again."

Fear crossed over James' face and he swallowed, but winced immediately after as it obviously hurt his throat. "…fine," he finally managed, but rather than reaching his hand out for the medicine, he just opened his mouth like the child Logan sometimes suspected his boyfriend really was. But Logan didn't fight him, because childish or not, this was actually progress, so he just brought the cup to James' lips and tipped the cough syrup into his mouth. Which proved ironic, since James started coughing as soon as he swallowed it. "That didn't taste anything like candy!" he protested as loud as he could, taking the cup of water from Logan's other hand, as he'd been quite prepared for this reaction.

"I didn't say it tasted like candy," Logan replied calmly, seating himself on the edge of James' bed primly now that his job was done. Well, for the most part. He still likely had plenty of complaining to endure.

"Yes, you did!"James whined once he was done downing the whole cup of water, which Logan then took from him and set on the nightstand.

"No, I said 'It's _supposed_ to taste like candy.' You can't pin that on me. That's just what it says on the label," he said, raising his eyebrows triumphantly at James.

James just pouted, bottom lip stuck out and eyebrows knitted together, struggling to come up with something. Finally, he just threw his arms down and said, "Whatever…" as he turned to situate his pillows well enough to lie down on them on his stomach, face turned towards Logan. He was still pouting, but at least he was no longer throwing a fit, so Logan didn't think it was quite worth it to continue harassing him when he clearly felt so much like crap.

So he stopped being a hardass for the time being and decided to start being the nice boyfriend James had probably expected him to be when he first texted Logan begging him to come take care of him. He gently pulled James' shirt up to his shoulders, causing James to shift, probably a little confused, but he settled back down against his pillows when he felt Logan drawing his fingertips lightly up and down his spine. James relaxed immediately under the soothing touch, all tension leaving his shoulders as he closed his eyes and loosened his grip on the pillowcase.

It was maybe five minutes before Logan noticed James' steady, shallow breaths and the way his mouth was open slightly. _Well, that was fast_… he thought a little surprised as he pulled the comforter up over James' shoulders and sat back against the pillows next to the sacked boy. He picked up his book off the nightstand and settled in, considering as he tried to find his bookmark the usefulness of hydrocodone-spiked cough syrup.


	13. Going Up

**Going Up**

_a/n: From an anonymous prompt on Tumblr "Jagan: Stuck in an elevator."_

…

It was really starting to grate on Logan's nerves the way James wouldn't stop saying "We're gonna die, I just know it, _we are going to die_!" and multiple variations thereof.

Logan sat at the front of the darkened elevator under the floor buttons. He'd already hit the emergency button and gotten the story from Bitters that the electricity was out and they'd have the elevator running again as soon as possible. But that was half an hour ago and James had started panicking about fifteen minutes later. What probably contributed was that they had no cell phone reception on the elevator and James was becoming increasingly convinced that they'd die here and never be able to say goodbye to their loved ones. Though, mostly it was the dying that was his main concern.

"We. Are. Going. To. Die," James emphasized in a low voice crouching in order to say them close to Logan's face.

Logan pursed his lips and placed his hand square on James' forehead and pushed, making him stumble back and stand up straight with a scowl. "We aren't going to die, James. The power's out. We'll get out as soon as it comes back on. Besides," he said, running his fingers back through his hair. "It's only been half an hour."

"But what if it's out for another, like, _forty-eight_ hours?" James cried, his voice jumping up impossibly high. "We'll starve and die!" He started pacing then, walking with tiny, quick steps from one end of the elevator to the other, and his breathing started getting erratic.

Logan quickly got to his feet, trying to calm James with a placating gesture of his hands. "Even if that were remotely plausible, James," he said, snatching for James' arm to stop his pacing, but James just shook him off with a face. "Then they'd call the fire department to get us out through the top of the elevator!" His voice grew increasingly louder as he wanted to ensure James would hear him over the sound of his own panic.

"But what if they can't!" James shouted, throwing his arms out with such force that Logan ducked away, lest he get inadvertently smacked in the face. "Logan! We're going to _starve_." He looked seriously at Logan then, eyes hard. "I'd feel really bad about having to eat you."

Logan's eyes blew wide for a moment before he shook his head and waved his hands in front of him. "James! No one is eating anyone! We will get out alive! Now calm _down_. No one's going to die. Plus, I don't want to have to give you mouth-to-mouth if you pass out from hyperventilation."

James spun on him, obviously not listening and choosing to continue panicking. "Or if they do decide to come in through the top of the elevator, but they screw something up and we end up crashing to the bottom and dying like that? What about that? Or if the electricity is out because we're in the middle of the apocalypse? Or what if I need to go to the bathroom, Logan? What then?" His voice was beginning to border on shrill as he started running his hands quickly across the elevator doors and Logan decided he had to take some sort of action and quick.

Logan grabbed James by his shoulders and forced him around to face him. He then grabbed him by the neck, yanking him down for a hard kiss on the lips. James floundered with waving arms for half a second before seemingly calming, his hands settling on Logan's waist and he stepped in to the kiss, bringing their bodies a little closer. Logan slipped his hand up to the back of James' head, gently running his fingers down through soft hair as he moved his lips slowly, reassuringly, a sort of gentle, physical "hush, now."

When Logan finally broke it off, it was to breathe for a moment, but James ducked away before he could reconnect their lips. "Wait, you said you wouldn't be giving me mouth-to-mouth," he said, but his smirk spoke something more self-satisfied.

Logan smiled a little. "I said I wouldn't be _if you passed out_. Never said anything about before that." And then he was back on James' mouth, holding firmly to the back of his neck as he kissed him, and he could feel James smiling into his lips. Logan wondered if he could keep this up until they were rescued while still keeping James from trying to push it any further. He could handle the doors opening up while they were making out, but if things got heavier than that?

James' hands slipped down to the back of Logan's jeans and gave a gentle squeeze, coaxing Logan into opening his lips slightly in a moan and he felt James' tongue against his.

…well. The electricity would probably be out for a long while anyway.


	14. Every Little Thing

**a/n: I've been in a drabble sort of mood, so I wrote this for Kaity's inbox yesterday. She's had me very Kenlos inspired lately. Enjoy and please review!**

...

He doesn't mean to, but sometimes when Carlos is talking, Kendall can't stop staring at his lips instead of his eyes. He just has this perfect bow mouth, like a gift, and Kendall wants to unwrap it with his tongue. He chuckles and the corner of his lips twitch up just slightly—Kendall's heartstrings twinge in time. When Carlos' lips pull back in a sugar-chocolate-chip-cookie-cotton-candy sweet sort of grin, Kendall has to shake himself.

This is sick and creepy and just not right. This is _Carlos._ This isn't Jo or even Camille or… a girl. It's Carlos. Carlos should still be a little boy in Kendall's mind, he should still be three feet tall, running, the wind in Kendall's ears, scraped knees and superhero band-aids, and kisses all better. Innocence. And innocent kisses. Not unnatural desires for lips on lips and tongues chasing each other and teeth grazing skin…

Kendall's neck jerks just barely, a twitch to remind himself to get out, to shut up his brain and get out. He smiles and watches Carlos' mouth smile back, shape out some words that Kendall doesn't hear because he's too busy watching them happen. He gets off the couch, because if he has to be near Carlos' lips much longer without knowing what they taste like, he's going to go crazy.

God, he's ashamed of it, but shame never stopped Kendall Knight from wanting. Kendall doesn't deny his shame, he carries it like a cancer. And he doesn't think he'll ever stop wanting to kiss Carlos, not when every time he closes his eyes, all he sees are those perfect, god blessed lips.


	15. Rules

**a/n: Jagan drabble written for Kre's inbox because she is special. Enjoy and please review!**

...

Logan loves rules. Logan lives for the rules. Logan practically gets off on following the rules. He wakes up early, is never late, does his homework, and does as he's told. He doesn't drink from the carton, he doesn't drive in the passing lane, and doesn't go swimming less than half an hour after eating. He turns red in the face and stomps when someone suggests he even give the rules a little bend. Kendall will ask to copy his homework and he's obstinate and fierce—no. It's against the rules. Carlos wants to drive dirtbikes in Palmwoods Park—no! Logan doesn't break rules.

Except for James. Logan drops every semblance of loyalty to rules… for James. Logan is a bull in the china shop of rules when it comes to James. He'll take a metal baseball bat to them and smash them to smithereens, but only for James. He bends and buckles at James' every whim. James asks to take the Buster Clydes for a spin around the Palmwoods—how can Logan say no to those eyes? James wants Logan to defy Gustavo and give up his swag—definitely, for James' sake. James wants a date with Aubrey Stewart… well. Logan only wants James to be happy.

But the other things… "Logan, stay up all night with me for a James Bond marathon?" Of course! Sounds like fun. I'll make the popcorn. "Logan… I found this kitten and I think it's hurt and I know we can't have pets, but can we take care of it just for today?" Oh, geez, yeah, definitely, it's okay, just bring it in the bathroom, we'll fix it up together. "Logan! Let's play hooky from work today. I want to go on an adventure." An adventure? Haha, well… I don't know what that means, but… whatever, sure, let's tell Kelly we have the flu.

Logan lives to break the rules for James.


	16. Like Starlight

**a/n: Been feeling Carlos lately and decided to get it out in a drabble. This is slightly suggestive towards OT4, but more towards Jarlos/Cargan/Kenlos. Enjoy and please review!**

...

Carlos is ten years old and the kids at school think he's too old to sleep with his parents. So he claims to be a big boy, a brave young man who sleeps in his own bed in a dark room with a too-high ceiling and long claw-like rays that stretch across the walls from the outlet nightlight that's supposed to keep him safe. So he says that's where he sleeps, but where he legitimately feels safe is tucked between his mom and dad, sinking into the hollow space betwixt their bodies. Their pillows are softer, their arms are stronger, their hearts are warmer; everything is safer when Carlos doesn't have to sleep alone.

Carlos is sixteen years old and safety is someone else, anyone else, sharing his bed. He bed-hops. One night is Kendall and soft snores he says he doesn't emit and dinosaur sheets that he proudly and stubbornly holds onto years after he should have grown out of them. The next night is James and firm muscles and the strong smells of jasmine and vanilla and prosthetic products. Another night is Logan and stark white everything, clean clean clean, and "no snuggling" but it's okay after he's fallen asleep.

But Carlos' favorite nights are the ones that are long passed, four boys piled in a bed that barely holds them all, huddling together in a Minnesota winter. Kendall might be pressed into his shoulder, breathing damply into his neck. Logan could be on his other side, under his arm and against his chest, sandwiched with James behind him, pulling them all together with his arms outstretched.

Those are what Carlos misses and when he suggests "We should all sleep together tonight!" and the other boys chuckle and take it as a joke, he smiles and pretends it was, because he's sixteen years old and he's too old not to sleep alone.


	17. Peace

**a/n: I don't have a title for this and it's been sitting completed for a long time on my computer and I might as well post it while I have the opportunity! My AC adapter is broken, so I have to mooch off my roomy, which is why My Only Sunshine is so delayed. But hopefully I'll have that up for you soon. In the meantime, enjoy this!**

**...**

Logan felt fingertips tracing the middle of his palm, tickling along the lines there, and he clenched his fist to capture them. He opened his eyes and peered through dark-tinted sunglasses to see James laying in the chair next to his, smiling at him. James wiggled his digits a bit in Logan's grasp, lacing their fingers together and giving him a gentle squeeze. Logan sighed into a relaxed smile and let his head fall back against the pool chair again.

Quiet. Peace. Tranquility.

Until a tidal wave of water roared out of the pool and landed directly on the pair. Okay, it was closer to a light sprinkling of water from wayward splashing, but it was still enough to make Logan jump and stiffen before sitting up and whipping off his sunglasses to glare at the offender. A gaggle of Palm Woods girls had just leaped into the pool to begin a game of water volleyball and none of them had bothered to be careful about it.

Lucy, apparently the guilty party, winced and gave Logan an apologetic look, but otherwise returned to the rest of the girls in the pool to start their game.

"Logan," James said, reminding Logan of his existence, and squeezed Logan's fingers again. "Wanna go inside?" He hadn't suffered nearly as much of the splash as Logan had, and maybe that was why the smile was still in place on his lips, but his suggestion was a good one, and was the best thing Logan had heard all day.

The idea made Logan relax again and he licked the edge of his teeth briefly before nodding and standing, their hands still latched appropriately. There were only a few spots of water on Logan's shirt and shorts, and hardly any on James, but it was enough to make him want to leave the pool and find a new quiet place for him and James to be alone.

So the abandoned living room of 2J it was. James let go of Logan's hand to drop down into the corner of the couch, opening up his arms for Logan to find his place in. Logan smiled and followed, ending up laying half-cradled in James' lap. James wrapped his arm under Logan for his head to lay in the crook of his elbow and placed his hand over Logan's chest, monitoring his heartbeat. Logan sighed into the position, pulling his knees up a bit and closing his eyes. James' fingers began to slowly drag through his hair and Logan could hear him humming, but it was just the perfect amount of noise.

Logan loved getting James alone, no matter the reason. But it wasn't easy. They lived in not only an apartment pervaded by lively, bustling people, but also a whole world of them. But when it was just them, it felt so good, Logan felt like no one else existed.

"Hey! You guys are just in time to watch Antique Roadshow with me and Katie!" Kendall launched himself over the back of the couch and landed on Logan's feet, causing him to shout and yank his feet up. He sat up between James' legs to shoot Kendall a glare that clearly said '_I was laying there_.' Kendall just shrugged and gave an, "Oops," then went to turn on the TV as Katie joined on his other side.

Logan gave a heavy sigh and leaned back against James, slapping a hand over his eyes. Was it so much to ask to have a little privacy with his boyfriend?

The hand over his face was gently lifted away and Logan tilted his head a bit to see James' upside-down face looking down on him. "My room?" he asked with a raise of his eyebrow. Although discouraged at this point, Logan nodded and began to sit up, James' hands on his back helping a bit.

Kendall looked expectantly at them and asked, "You guys aren't gonna watch with us?" Logan gave him another sharp look.

"Nah, we're both kinda sleepy," James lied with a shrug. "I think we're gonna go lay down in my room for a bit."

"Oh, alright. See you guys later," Kendall said, but Logan was already halfway down the hall.

He opened up the door to James' room and didn't even bother to turn on the lights before dropping into his bed immediately, grabbing a pillow and curling around it. He soon felt James similarly curl around him, tangling their legs together and wrapping his arms around Logan's middle. He mouthed against Logan's neck, getting that soft, ticklish spot under his ear and making Logan snicker and shoulder at James' face. "M'asleep," he joked, keeping in theme with James' lie that they were going to go take a nap, and then forced himself to relax and go limp, though his smile wouldn't go away.

James chuckled, nipping a bit at Logan's ear and causing him to squeak and laugh again, but he tried his best to stay 'asleep.' "Then wake up, sleeping beauty," James teased.

Then he licked the side of Logan's face, from chin to temple, and Logan yelped through a laugh, squirming and shoving away from James' body. "Oh, my god, you are so disgusting," Logan groaned, scrubbing the heel of his hand across the side of his face.

James rolled onto his back, still chuckling proudly at his work. "Oh, come on, you've had my tongue in your mouth, now it's a big deal to have it on your cheek?"

"Yes," Logan agreed stubbornly, but smiled as he leaned over James. He'd much rather have James' tongue in his mouth than anywhere else. Well, not anywhere else, but... He smirked to himself at the thought and bit his bottom lip before getting close enough to kiss.

But just as his lips ghosted over James', the door flung open and the lights flashed on and Logan flinched with the sudden urge to hide under the blankets. He squinted against the sudden intrusion of light at none other than Carlos standing in the doorway. Logan immediately pursed his lips in displeasure.

"Oh! Sorry, guys," Carlos said, holding his hands up in front of him, but instead of backing out of the room like Logan's eyes practically commanded him to do, he came further in, diving for a pile of clothes and beginning to dig. "I just can't find my helmet. Don't mind me, you can keep doing what you're doing!" he offered so kindly.

However, Logan was definitely not going to lay here and make out with James while Carlos was digging around the room for who knows how long. He moaned dramatically, falling back against the bed next to James, who also seemed to be reaching the end of his patience. The pool, the living room, even James' own goddamned bedroom and they couldn't find privacy. It wasn't like they wanted to do anything that some divine intervention needed to keep sending in missionaries to prevent. They just wanted to be alone together...

Logan sat up suddenly and climbed over James and off the bed, grabbing his hand and pulling him along as he went. "Logan?" James asked, but stumbled along behind as he was pulled across the hall to the other boys' bedroom. James hummed his realization as soon as the door was shut behind him, but Logan wasn't satisfied.

If Carlos could bust into his room like that, someone could just as easily interrupt them here. He needed somewhere where no one would ever think to search for them. His eyes landed on a door and he tugged James in that direction.

"Uh... why are we going _back_ in the closet, Logan?"

"Shh, don't ask questions."

"I think I have a right to ask why you're dragging me into your closet."

Logan shut the door behind them and just stood there, pressed in on all sides, shirts and sweaters and walls and a door and James all crowding his space, but that's exactly what he wanted. There wasn't much air to breathe, but there was enough, and it was warm, but not too warm, and James was close, but not close enough. Still, Logan stood and waited, as if something were supposed to happen. James apparently felt that and waited as well, and Logan could feel him shift from foot to foot.

Finally, James asked, "What are we doing in the closet?" in a hushed whisper.

Logan inched right into his body, touching his lips with a finger and waited a little longer before asking, "Do you hear that?"

There was nothing but silence, though James clearly listened for a noise, any noise. "Logan, I don't hear anything..."

A slow smile grew on Logan's lips and he lifted his chin to stare through the dark at James. There was a little bit of light peeking under the door, enough for his eyes to adjust and be able to clearly see James' face. The shadows fell on his features like a soft veil, painting his cheeks and nose, outlining his lips where they were parted just barely in confusion, though Logan saw it more as an invitation. He carefully wrapped an arm up around James' neck, his other hand clutching his shirt near his heart to draw him in to a slow, passionate kiss. Despite his confusion, James hummed low and quiet as he kissed back, molding his lips to Logan's and shaping them together like one piece of clay.

Besides the sound of James' voice and the quiet, inconsequential noises from their kissing, it was completely silent in the closet. They were isolated, shut away from the rest of the household, the rest of the world, shut into this tiny space with just each other and there was nothing but the soft embrace of Logan's carefully washed clothes, no one's breath but the other's, no other worries but each other.

Logan pulled James back with him, keeping their mouths connected firmly, and felt James put out a hand behind him to brace against the wall, stepping in close to almost pin Logan. However, Logan began sinking to the floor, letting his legs slowly give out, and dragged James down with him. They ended up in some kind of crumple, Logan's knees up and James between them on his hip, his legs bent back behind him awkwardly. After a few more moments of kissing in that position, James broke off for a short gasp of air and then just looked at Logan with this little smile, the shadows clinging in a sort of shiny, mesmerizing way on his lips.

Logan planted on last kiss on James' lips before letting his head fall back against the wall with his eyes closed over a content smile. He heard James chuckle just a bit before he felt him adjust, laying his head under Logan's chin, arms wrapping around his middle as he laid between Logan's legs comfortably, though his legs probably still had to be curled up to accommodate the space. Logan laid his cheek again James' hair and imagined he could fall asleep like this, just holding James in their own little space, drawn happily away from anything that wasn't each other.

"Ah..." James whispered, placing his ear firmly on Logan's chest and pausing a moment. "Now I hear something..." Logan could sense the smile in his breath and felt James kiss him right on the sternum before settling back into place and sighing.

Now this... this was peace, tranquility, and maybe they would just nap here, come out when they well pleased, when it suited them. Or maybe they'd just stay in here forever, never to have their peacefulness interrupted again. Logan smiled. He could live with that.


End file.
